After a series of challenging and draining life events, a woman in midlife feels stuck in all aspects of her life and struggles to get back into the swing of things. Jessica explains why this woman is experiencing this slump and shares ideas on how to overcome burnout, rediscover motivation, and get back on track.
Ask Jessica is an advice column for women in midlife. We cover all things related to midlife from changing bodies to career transitions to parenting teens to sandwich generation challenges to shifts in marital or life partnerships and everything in between. My hope is that in sharing these questions and answers I can women as we face the midlife journey together. Got a question or challenge you would like me to address? Fill out this form to submit your issue! Want to see the answers to other questions, check out our archive here.
How to Overcome Burnout, Rediscover Motivation, and Get Back on Track
HEY JESSICA: I have reached a whole new level of burnout and I don’t know what to do. The past few months were really hard – lots happening at work, my father-in-law was sick, one of my kids was struggling at school, and I had a minor health scare. Everything has stabilized but now I am feeling super stuck. I don’t feel motivated at work, I’m not interested in making the changes to my life that would support my health. If I am being honest, all I want to do is crawl back into bed and sleep. Obviously, I can’t just throw in the towel and give up, so can you share your thoughts on how to overcome burnout, rediscover motivation, and get back on track? ~Over It
DEAR OVER IT:
First of all, I am so sorry that you just went through such a rough patch – that was a lot to have to manage all at once. And, congratulations on making it through to the other side! I know it may not feel like a big accomplishment right now, but getting through those hard times takes a lot out of us and you made it work. That is no small feat.
And now you are on the other side and can’t find any motivation. I know that this may feel like a failure on your part, but I am here to tell you that it is 100% not your fault AND that you are not alone in these feelings, in fact, a recent survey in the UK found that 90% (90%!!!!) of those surveyed reported feeling burnt out and a study here in the US found that 70% of adults are experiencing chronic stress.
Before I give some suggestions on how to overcome burnout, rediscover motivation, and get back on track, I think it is important to understand why you are having this response now, after everything has more or less resolved itself. For me, at least, understanding why my brain (and/or body) is responding in the way it is helps me to make sense of the experience and then feel motivated to make a shift. What you’re experiencing is called the Delayed Stress Response. Basically, what that means is that during the time of high stress (i.e., when work, the various health issues, and parenting challenges all happened at once), your brain goes into a protective mode where it puts up a barrier so that your emotions stay in check while you manage everything that’s coming at you. It is an important and valuable coping mechanism. But then, after the danger has waned, your brain still needs to process all that happened and so you are flooded with the emotions that couldn’t come forward earlier. That can take the form of big emotions such as anger or despair, but it can also show up as a numbness or lack of motivation. Why? Because your brain and body are TIRED, which means leveraging the motivation to get back into the swing of things can be very difficult, if not impossible.
So, then the question becomes how to overcome burnout and this Delayed Stress Response state? Well, the first thing is to do what I did above: normalize it. Understand that what you are going through is a common experience and that you are not broken or weak because you are in the state you are.
Then, you want to give yourself a break. Show yourself some compassion. Tell those nasty internal voices to stay quiet. You have just come through a really hard period in your life where you not only had your own personal stressors that were impacting you, but you also were caring for and worried about loved ones. Making it through a time like that is exhausting and draining, so you have every right to feel the way you do.
And then the third step, which can result in eye rolls when I say it, is to practice some self-care, but to start small. Maybe that’s focusing on sleep and getting to bed an hour earlier for a week (I bet you didn’t sleep much during the tough period); or getting outside for a walk in fresh air for 5 minutes a day, or taking 10 minutes a day to do some relaxing yoga; or connecting with a friend once a week. The point is, find ways to take care of yourself that will bring you some happiness or relief without being too time consuming or taxing. While this may feel like a silly step, it is essential, because what you are doing is choosing to take actions for yourself, which demonstrates to yourself that you have the power to make a difference in your life, that you are not stuck. Not only will this allow you to restore your equilibrium a bit, but it will also help you to feel more in control and more empowered, which in turn will help you to get to the place you truly want to be.