A woman in midlife asks how to embrace bathing suits in midlife as her body changes in ways she doesn’t like. Jessica commiserates with the struggle and then offers practical suggestions to help shift our attitudes towards bathing suits and our bodies.
Ask Jessica is an advice column for women in midlife. We cover all things related to midlife from changing bodies to career transitions to parenting teens to sandwich generation challenges to shifts in marital or life partnerships and everything in between. My hope is that in sharing these questions and answers I can women as we face the midlife journey together. Got a question or challenge you would like me to address? Fill out this form to submit your issue! Want to see the answers to other questions, check out our archive here.
How to Embrace Bathing Suits in Midlife
HEY JESSICA: Now that summer is here, I’m realizing that means that I have to face going to the pool and beach, which means bathing suits. I have never loved putting on a bathing suit, but now as my body softens (to put it delicately) and dimples (read: cellulite f-ing everywhere), I dread it even more. I know the politically correct thing to do is to embrace my aging body, be grateful for all it’s done for me, demonstrate body positivity for my kids, just enjoy the moment, etc., etc. but I just can’t. Is there anything that I can do that will actually make this experience less painful? ~I Just Wanna Hide
DEAR I JUST WANNA HIDE: Thank you so, so much for asking this question! Even though I write about and strive to live my life in a place of body acceptance, the reality is that I still have moments of dissatisfaction with my body, and pulling out the bathing suit at the start of each summer is definitely a trigger point for me, too. And somehow, I don’t think we are the only two women who have had to face this struggle.
For years, I thought that the only way to deal with these crashes in confidence was to just get over myself, suck in my stomach, and deal. But let’s be honest, embracing our bodies is always a challenge—thanks to years and years of overwhelmingly powerful body-shaming messages, especially during the most formative years of our lives. And when you throw in the realities of our changing bodies in midlife, it can be pretty much impossible to keep those nasty, nagging internal demons quiet. And as for the “just deal” part of my plan, well, we all know that simply suffering through it is never the healthy answer. I mean, is that what you would tell a friend or your own child to do? Most likely, not.
So the question becomes: what DO you do to ensure these negative feelings don’t become overwhelming? As I have written before, I think a great starting point is always to note the negative thoughts and then challenge them. We can do this by focusing on the aspects of our appearance that we do like and also celebrating all that our bodies have done for us. But, in the harsher moments, changing our mindsets can feel unrealistic, incredibly difficult, or just plain ridiculous. So, while I do think it is absolutely worthwhile to try to change our mindsets and practice quieting the cruel voices in our heads, I also believe that practical changes are sometimes called for.
Last year, after going round and round with myself, I decided that in addition to working on my mental game in this department, I also wanted to take some more concrete action that would make putting on a bathing suit and going to the pool/beach more enjoyable. First, I invested in a bathing suit that I actually felt OK in. Up until then, I had always told myself that spending money on a bathing suit was a waste because I was never going to feel great in it and would only wear it a few times a year. But it became clear that limping along with the same, old suits that I never actually felt good in was just making me feel worse. So, I did a bunch of research on bathing suit styles, ordered some online (so I could try them on at home rather than in an awful changing room), and found one that I felt pretty good in. For me, that meant a brightly-colored and patterned high waisted tankini. The bottoms give me a lot of coverage and the top comes down low enough that I don’t feel self-conscious about my stomach.
Second, I found a coverup that I really, really loved. One that was super light and comfortable and made me feel good about myself. That way, I could wear it the vast majority of the time I was at the pool/beach, while feeling both good about how I looked and physically comfortable.
Third, I embraced the water more because, guess what, once you are in the water, no one sees your bathing suit. Not only did this help me to feel less self-conscious, but it also allowed me to enjoy what I was there to enjoy in the first place: the cool of the water.
I’m not going to lie and tell you that this solved everything. I definitely still had/have my moments of UGH, but it did take the edge off enough, which meant that I could then have the mental energy to challenge those negative thoughts and also remind myself that I am so much more than my body and that people love and value me because of those things, and not what I look like in my bathing suit.